Saturday, August 27, 2011

Cultural Shift

I write about so many things... mostly about my search and what not. Today I think it's time to change it up!

I have been thinking about this a lot today. What brought it to mind is what I have been thinking about lately and then also being contacted by someone I played with a few times in the past.

He is a man who is very submissive who choose to start a relationship with a very vanilla woman in hope of getting her into BDSM. Now, I can understand the allure of this but, in the same respect, it can also be something that can very much back fire. Not sure why he contacted me the last couple of days. He claims that everything is great and she is starting to warm up to very small light things but, he is afraid to approach the things he loves. See, he is into areas that aren't for the faint of heart.

It brought me to thinking about some stuff... last time he contacted me, she was out of town. So, that tells me when she isn't around he is trolling on the internet for attention? Something to jerk off too? Maybe someone to come use him like he craves?

Ah, again it soo fits this topic....

When did the cultural shift happen that lieing,deceit, and cheating are all acceptable?

I guess I missed the memo on it. Maybe it happened while I was married. Maybe it is just what happens with all the instant gratification that is available now. Maybe, just maybe it has always been here and I never saw it.

What happened to the days that your lover was away and you just waited for them to come home?

What happened to actually getting to know someone before you are already looking seriously for someone else?

What happened to integrity and honesty and truth and loyalty?

Just, what happened to all those things that make some worthy of you giving your heart, soul, body and mind too?

To many people, think that time is on their side. They feel they have an endless amount to find that perfect person who is everything they want wrapped up in the package they want. The eternal 29yr old hottie with a banging bod who has the wisdom of someone twice their age. Sadly, this isn't a reality. Hell, it isn't even a realistic fantasy.

See, with experience come wisdom.. time gives one that ability if they are given the time to gain it. Some don't have the luxury of time. Some don't realize that time is a fleeting thing. Something that once it is gone, you can never get back.

One never knows when their time is up! I never understand waiting and wishing and hoping that tomorrow they will be ready... That tomorrow they will have the time... See, sometimes tomorrow never comes because today was your last day on this earth!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I blog here.. Not to often...

I blog somewhere else... at least 3 times a week!

Now, you may ask, Why do I blog somewhere else more often? It's because there I can be free to be ME! I don't have to worry about people seeing or reading things I choose not to share with the world. And, let's just be plain honest... There I have readers who comment and share things with me... Here, Not so much!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


In RT I have friends. I have what some may think is a huge circle of friends... In reality, that circle is much smaller then most would believe. Yes, I have a lot of people that I know. Some I have known for more years then I can count, others, not so long. One thing is for sure. The people who truly matter in my life, can always figure out a way to keep in touch and see me.

In the last yr or so, I went and am still going through so many changes in my life. Divorce, job loss, financial issues beyond belief... More crap then one person should really have to deal with. Death of dreams you can't even fathom... Its sad really that anyone needs to go through this.... That I had to go through this...

Now, I'm not whining, please don't get me wrong but, it showed me just who my real friends are. And hence why my circle has become sooo painfully small. Now, the people who are on the outside of the circle, are still technically "friends" but in my mind, they are more acquaintances now. I can't nor will I spend time and energy on people like that. People who shown me, that in my time of need, they couldn't really be there for me. Even in the most passive way, a phone call, text messages, or emails. Those people are the ones I truly feel sorry for. They are the ones who don't realize just the kind of friend I really was and just what they have passed up on. They have missed out on so much good times with me that far out weighed the few times I could have really used just their ear to listen. Just 15 minutes out of their day to LISTEN!

We all only have a short time on this earth to touch a persons life.... To make a positive difference! Some people just don't nor will they see the big picture that is LIFE! And that big picture is to be shared and enjoyed with others.. the good, the bad, the ugly...

I adore you....

Three words... Three simple words... Words that separately mean nothing but, when put together by the right person. Can speak VOLUMES to ones soul...

I saw those words yesterday. And I saw them for the first time in my life. I saw them from someone so young who surprised me he knew those words... surprised me he was so comfortable saying those words... And the best part, was he said them to me... *sigh*

I get that to many, those words wouldn't mean anything. After all they are just words. Now, imagine being.. almost 41 and realizing that in all of your life, no one had ever said those words to you. I'll admit it, I was shocked, surprised and expressed all that to him. His response, " I find it hard to believe that nobody has ever vocalized their infatuation for you like I have." I explained to him that many people think that showing emotion is a sign of weakness...

I can say, that his level of openness and honesty is so very refreshing. He has some wisdom and knowledge that is well beyond his 23 yrs. I don't know if it is just he still isn't all jaded from life that his heart is still pure. Whatever it is, it is just what I have needed, I craved, and have been missing for such a very long time....

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Choices and Inadequacy

So I have been doing a lot of reading lately, blogs, message board posts, comments, emails, FB status, tweets... Now, not something I don't normally do but, I'm looking at things a bit differently as of late. Maybe it's because there is someone new with promise... Maybe it's because I have changed... Maybe I've grown again... Not sure what it is but, it's happened. And what am I taking out of all of this... Well, that everyone... and I mean EVERYONE makes their own CHOICES or at least they want you to think they do. To many people do truly live their lives based on what others think, feel and tell them they should.

I have NEVER done this. I have always done things as I saw fit. Lived how I felt worked for ME. Said what I felt in my heart was right for ME! I have never been a lemming to the fire type. In fact, I have at times chosen to take the less traveled path because I felt I'd learn more that way.

What I had never encountered until this time in my life is clearly being told I'm not adequate enough for things that may or may not be in my control....

You aren't a suitable person to date because I have children and you could never be a good mom because you don't have any.
REALLY? And people always think that is a choice that I have made based on what? Because I don't have any? Because they think I'm selfish? Lets just say, it's because they don't KNOW ME!

I can't be involved with you because you have dogs. WOW! So I have pets... Doesn't that show I am capable of loving and caring for something other then myself. That I'm not selfish. Or does it mean that I'd have to make arrangements and can't just run away at your whim.

Your just not what I see or pictured a Domme/Mistress to be.
WOW! And this is based in what? Fantasy? Pro's? Wannabees?

I could go on and on... the list would never end. What I often wonder is, why do people always project on others their own inadequacies instead of dealing with what needs to be fixed within themselves.

Listen, no one is perfect, EVERYONE has flaws... But sometime in the recent history it has become easier for people to point fingers at others then to take personal responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions. It has become common place to be shallow, unfeeling, rude and just down right ignorant. There used to be a time, when you would never dream of personally attacking someone based on things that just were surface level. Now it has become common place and acceptable behavior. What happened to compassion, couth, tactic and CLASS? What happened to the days where people actually felt those things mattered in this world?

Maybe its the lack of human contact most people have. They are able to live in a fantasy world of on line where they can find people to continually boost their ego and censor what they don't want to hear... What they don't want to believe... What doesn't fit into how they want their life to look to them...
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Monday, January 31, 2011

Ah, a nice Sunday night date!

So here I sit in the after glow of going out again with a gentleman I have been seeing as of late. He is new to all of this but, wants it soo bad. Tonight was the first time we actually played. It was wonderful and fantastic!! He trusted me with telling me something very personal to him and I'm soo happy he did. I hope that was just a good sign in the promise of more things to come. He really is a great guy and someone that I could see myself having in my life. He has been proving that he wasn't us to have a vanilla life in as much as a BDSM life. It's going to take sometime for us to get the dance right but, with time and patients on both our parts, I think we can figure it out!

Promise always makes me hopeful... and if it doesn't work out, I know that there is someone I can find out there for me... For once, I can really see it being a possibility!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Why do I have to be so smart sometimes?

So, tonight as I was lurking on another site, I saw something that had a familar look to it. I dug deeper into what I saw.. and low and behold if it isn't another profile for the man I had been seeing for like 6 months. I was LOLing because it was kind of funny. Just shows more and more how he so wasn't worth my time.

More and more, I tend to run into that. It's sad really. I'd like to think that the gene pool would have produced a better quality then I seem to keep running into. The longer I am single, the more and more I keep being sadden to think of all the women out there who can and do get taken advantage of, made fools of, and just in general think that being treated like SHIT is ok.

I'm thinking I need to find out if I can teach a class in.. Smelling bullshit from 20 feet. How to avoid men who are douchebags!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

So, it's been a long while since I last blogged... Not to much to say, status quo for me.

Same chit different day....
Men and the games they play....

Blah, blah, blah....

I've had it! I'm about done with all of it.. The lies, deception, the crap.

The I want a Mistress but, I can't make time for you....
I'm having a bad, hour, day, week... I can't see be around anyone right now....

Blah, blah, blah...

I think they all forget who is in control. Who makes the decision... If I say jump, I'm not asking can you.. I'm saying JUMP!

Now, I get it's a crazy time of the year for everyone but, seriously... You earn things from me....

When I give you my cell number, you can't just drop off a convo via text. Um, who is in control? That seems to be lost on submissive men I see. To many things seem to be lost on submissive men... And those things are adding up for me. Making me think twice about it all over again. I forgot why I walked away from all of this all those years ago. Funny, it's taken 1 yr for me to be reminded....