Friends?

In RT I have friends. I have what some may think is a huge circle of friends... In reality, that circle is much smaller then most would believe. Yes, I have a lot of people that I know. Some I have known for more years then I can count, others, not so long. One thing is for sure. The people who truly matter in my life, can always figure out a way to keep in touch and see me.

In the last yr or so, I went and am still going through so many changes in my life. Divorce, job loss, financial issues beyond belief... More crap then one person should really have to deal with. Death of dreams you can't even fathom... Its sad really that anyone needs to go through this.... That I had to go through this...

Now, I'm not whining, please don't get me wrong but, it showed me just who my real friends are. And hence why my circle has become sooo painfully small. Now, the people who are on the outside of the circle, are still technically "friends" but in my mind, they are more acquaintances now. I can't nor will I spend time and energy on people like that. People who shown me, that in my time of need, they couldn't really be there for me. Even in the most passive way, a phone call, text messages, or emails. Those people are the ones I truly feel sorry for. They are the ones who don't realize just the kind of friend I really was and just what they have passed up on. They have missed out on so much good times with me that far out weighed the few times I could have really used just their ear to listen. Just 15 minutes out of their day to LISTEN!

We all only have a short time on this earth to touch a persons life.... To make a positive difference! Some people just don't nor will they see the big picture that is LIFE! And that big picture is to be shared and enjoyed with others.. the good, the bad, the ugly...

I adore you....

Three words... Three simple words... Words that separately mean nothing but, when put together by the right person. Can speak VOLUMES to ones soul...

I saw those words yesterday. And I saw them for the first time in my life. I saw them from someone so young who surprised me he knew those words... surprised me he was so comfortable saying those words... And the best part, was he said them to me... *sigh*

I get that to many, those words wouldn't mean anything. After all they are just words. Now, imagine being.. almost 41 and realizing that in all of your life, no one had ever said those words to you. I'll admit it, I was shocked, surprised and expressed all that to him. His response, " I find it hard to believe that nobody has ever vocalized their infatuation for you like I have." I explained to him that many people think that showing emotion is a sign of weakness...

I can say, that his level of openness and honesty is so very refreshing. He has some wisdom and knowledge that is well beyond his 23 yrs. I don't know if it is just he still isn't all jaded from life that his heart is still pure. Whatever it is, it is just what I have needed, I craved, and have been missing for such a very long time....

Choices and Inadequacy

So I have been doing a lot of reading lately, blogs, message board posts, comments, emails, FB status, tweets... Now, not something I don't normally do but, I'm looking at things a bit differently as of late. Maybe it's because there is someone new with promise... Maybe it's because I have changed... Maybe I've grown again... Not sure what it is but, it's happened. And what am I taking out of all of this... Well, that everyone... and I mean EVERYONE makes their own CHOICES or at least they want you to think they do. To many people do truly live their lives based on what others think, feel and tell them they should.

I have NEVER done this. I have always done things as I saw fit. Lived how I felt worked for ME. Said what I felt in my heart was right for ME! I have never been a lemming to the fire type. In fact, I have at times chosen to take the less traveled path because I felt I'd learn more that way.

What I had never encountered until this time in my life is clearly being told I'm not adequate enough for things that may or may not be in my control....

You aren't a suitable person to date because I have children and you could never be a good mom because you don't have any.
REALLY? And people always think that is a choice that I have made based on what? Because I don't have any? Because they think I'm selfish? Lets just say, it's because they don't KNOW ME!

I can't be involved with you because you have dogs. WOW! So I have pets... Doesn't that show I am capable of loving and caring for something other then myself. That I'm not selfish. Or does it mean that I'd have to make arrangements and can't just run away at your whim.

Your just not what I see or pictured a Domme/Mistress to be.
WOW! And this is based in what? Fantasy? Pro's? Wannabees?

I could go on and on... the list would never end. What I often wonder is, why do people always project on others their own inadequacies instead of dealing with what needs to be fixed within themselves.

Listen, no one is perfect, EVERYONE has flaws... But sometime in the recent history it has become easier for people to point fingers at others then to take personal responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions. It has become common place to be shallow, unfeeling, rude and just down right ignorant. There used to be a time, when you would never dream of personally attacking someone based on things that just were surface level. Now it has become common place and acceptable behavior. What happened to compassion, couth, tactic and CLASS? What happened to the days where people actually felt those things mattered in this world?

Maybe its the lack of human contact most people have. They are able to live in a fantasy world of on line where they can find people to continually boost their ego and censor what they don't want to hear... What they don't want to believe... What doesn't fit into how they want their life to look to them...
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