Get out and VOTE!

As I sit here today, yet again seeing ignorant people posting ignorant things on social media, I wonder just how some can back a candidate who doesn't line up with their core values. Now, I'm not naive in thinking any one person can provide for me everything I want or believe in. I know that all politicians are crooked and have other interests than my values and beliefs. I guess, what bothers me the most is how some tried to blame everything on who they have elected into office. What happened to personal accountability? When did the President become the ultimate ruler who decides all the bad or good things that happen in one’s life or one’s country? In the United States, we have a system that is designed to prevent this very thing from happening. The House of Representative along with the Senate has much more pull then any one President has over the direction our country takes. It's up to all of them to agree on the big changes that happen for the long term. Yes, the President can and does sometimes step on their toes to put something into place that is what is needed for the great good. The President can also veto something if it’s going to ultimately do harm. Yet, for the process to work correctly, all of the above three have to agree on the direction of the country as a whole. Now, maybe some never paid attention to the actual things we all had to learn to take the Constitution test which had to be passed two different times. Or maybe, they just never were bright enough to realize that, one day THIS would be important to know and understand because THEY would be the ones helping to decide the direction our country would take if they voted for elected officials. See, it all comes down to, what the collective decides are the best politicians WE elect into office. Yes, I do believe one vote matters. Hell, I believe EVERY VOTE MATTERS! So, regardless of whom you support or feel is best to provide guidance and shape our future... and your sons, daughters, nieces, nephews and grandchildren’s future, I urge you to VOTE! Vote to make this country a better place. A place you want to live, love and pursue happiness. Where EVERYONE is allowed these things. I don't want any government telling me what to do with my body. I don't want any country telling me, that as a Woman I deserve to make less than a man who does the same job. Or telling me that, MY VOICE doesn't count!!

Cultural Shift

I write about so many things... mostly about my search and what not. Today I think it's time to change it up!

I have been thinking about this a lot today. What brought it to mind is what I have been thinking about lately and then also being contacted by someone I played with a few times in the past.

He is a man who is very submissive who choose to start a relationship with a very vanilla woman in hope of getting her into BDSM. Now, I can understand the allure of this but, in the same respect, it can also be something that can very much back fire. Not sure why he contacted me the last couple of days. He claims that everything is great and she is starting to warm up to very small light things but, he is afraid to approach the things he loves. See, he is into areas that aren't for the faint of heart.

It brought me to thinking about some stuff... last time he contacted me, she was out of town. So, that tells me when she isn't around he is trolling on the internet for attention? Something to jerk off too? Maybe someone to come use him like he craves?

Ah, again it soo fits this topic....

When did the cultural shift happen that lieing,deceit, and cheating are all acceptable?

I guess I missed the memo on it. Maybe it happened while I was married. Maybe it is just what happens with all the instant gratification that is available now. Maybe, just maybe it has always been here and I never saw it.

What happened to the days that your lover was away and you just waited for them to come home?

What happened to actually getting to know someone before you are already looking seriously for someone else?

What happened to integrity and honesty and truth and loyalty?

Just, what happened to all those things that make some worthy of you giving your heart, soul, body and mind too?

To many people, think that time is on their side. They feel they have an endless amount to find that perfect person who is everything they want wrapped up in the package they want. The eternal 29yr old hottie with a banging bod who has the wisdom of someone twice their age. Sadly, this isn't a reality. Hell, it isn't even a realistic fantasy.

See, with experience come wisdom.. time gives one that ability if they are given the time to gain it. Some don't have the luxury of time. Some don't realize that time is a fleeting thing. Something that once it is gone, you can never get back.

One never knows when their time is up! I never understand waiting and wishing and hoping that tomorrow they will be ready... That tomorrow they will have the time... See, sometimes tomorrow never comes because today was your last day on this earth!

Blogging...

I blog here.. Not to often...

I blog somewhere else... at least 3 times a week!

Now, you may ask, Why do I blog somewhere else more often? It's because there I can be free to be ME! I don't have to worry about people seeing or reading things I choose not to share with the world. And, let's just be plain honest... There I have readers who comment and share things with me... Here, Not so much!

Friends?

In RT I have friends. I have what some may think is a huge circle of friends... In reality, that circle is much smaller then most would believe. Yes, I have a lot of people that I know. Some I have known for more years then I can count, others, not so long. One thing is for sure. The people who truly matter in my life, can always figure out a way to keep in touch and see me.

In the last yr or so, I went and am still going through so many changes in my life. Divorce, job loss, financial issues beyond belief... More crap then one person should really have to deal with. Death of dreams you can't even fathom... Its sad really that anyone needs to go through this.... That I had to go through this...

Now, I'm not whining, please don't get me wrong but, it showed me just who my real friends are. And hence why my circle has become sooo painfully small. Now, the people who are on the outside of the circle, are still technically "friends" but in my mind, they are more acquaintances now. I can't nor will I spend time and energy on people like that. People who shown me, that in my time of need, they couldn't really be there for me. Even in the most passive way, a phone call, text messages, or emails. Those people are the ones I truly feel sorry for. They are the ones who don't realize just the kind of friend I really was and just what they have passed up on. They have missed out on so much good times with me that far out weighed the few times I could have really used just their ear to listen. Just 15 minutes out of their day to LISTEN!

We all only have a short time on this earth to touch a persons life.... To make a positive difference! Some people just don't nor will they see the big picture that is LIFE! And that big picture is to be shared and enjoyed with others.. the good, the bad, the ugly...

I adore you....

Three words... Three simple words... Words that separately mean nothing but, when put together by the right person. Can speak VOLUMES to ones soul...

I saw those words yesterday. And I saw them for the first time in my life. I saw them from someone so young who surprised me he knew those words... surprised me he was so comfortable saying those words... And the best part, was he said them to me... *sigh*

I get that to many, those words wouldn't mean anything. After all they are just words. Now, imagine being.. almost 41 and realizing that in all of your life, no one had ever said those words to you. I'll admit it, I was shocked, surprised and expressed all that to him. His response, " I find it hard to believe that nobody has ever vocalized their infatuation for you like I have." I explained to him that many people think that showing emotion is a sign of weakness...

I can say, that his level of openness and honesty is so very refreshing. He has some wisdom and knowledge that is well beyond his 23 yrs. I don't know if it is just he still isn't all jaded from life that his heart is still pure. Whatever it is, it is just what I have needed, I craved, and have been missing for such a very long time....

Choices and Inadequacy

So I have been doing a lot of reading lately, blogs, message board posts, comments, emails, FB status, tweets... Now, not something I don't normally do but, I'm looking at things a bit differently as of late. Maybe it's because there is someone new with promise... Maybe it's because I have changed... Maybe I've grown again... Not sure what it is but, it's happened. And what am I taking out of all of this... Well, that everyone... and I mean EVERYONE makes their own CHOICES or at least they want you to think they do. To many people do truly live their lives based on what others think, feel and tell them they should.

I have NEVER done this. I have always done things as I saw fit. Lived how I felt worked for ME. Said what I felt in my heart was right for ME! I have never been a lemming to the fire type. In fact, I have at times chosen to take the less traveled path because I felt I'd learn more that way.

What I had never encountered until this time in my life is clearly being told I'm not adequate enough for things that may or may not be in my control....

You aren't a suitable person to date because I have children and you could never be a good mom because you don't have any.
REALLY? And people always think that is a choice that I have made based on what? Because I don't have any? Because they think I'm selfish? Lets just say, it's because they don't KNOW ME!

I can't be involved with you because you have dogs. WOW! So I have pets... Doesn't that show I am capable of loving and caring for something other then myself. That I'm not selfish. Or does it mean that I'd have to make arrangements and can't just run away at your whim.

Your just not what I see or pictured a Domme/Mistress to be.
WOW! And this is based in what? Fantasy? Pro's? Wannabees?

I could go on and on... the list would never end. What I often wonder is, why do people always project on others their own inadequacies instead of dealing with what needs to be fixed within themselves.

Listen, no one is perfect, EVERYONE has flaws... But sometime in the recent history it has become easier for people to point fingers at others then to take personal responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions. It has become common place to be shallow, unfeeling, rude and just down right ignorant. There used to be a time, when you would never dream of personally attacking someone based on things that just were surface level. Now it has become common place and acceptable behavior. What happened to compassion, couth, tactic and CLASS? What happened to the days where people actually felt those things mattered in this world?

Maybe its the lack of human contact most people have. They are able to live in a fantasy world of on line where they can find people to continually boost their ego and censor what they don't want to hear... What they don't want to believe... What doesn't fit into how they want their life to look to them...
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Ah, a nice Sunday night date!

So here I sit in the after glow of going out again with a gentleman I have been seeing as of late. He is new to all of this but, wants it soo bad. Tonight was the first time we actually played. It was wonderful and fantastic!! He trusted me with telling me something very personal to him and I'm soo happy he did. I hope that was just a good sign in the promise of more things to come. He really is a great guy and someone that I could see myself having in my life. He has been proving that he wasn't us to have a vanilla life in as much as a BDSM life. It's going to take sometime for us to get the dance right but, with time and patients on both our parts, I think we can figure it out!

Promise always makes me hopeful... and if it doesn't work out, I know that there is someone I can find out there for me... For once, I can really see it being a possibility!

Why do I have to be so smart sometimes?

So, tonight as I was lurking on another site, I saw something that had a familar look to it. I dug deeper into what I saw.. and low and behold if it isn't another profile for the man I had been seeing for like 6 months. I was LOLing because it was kind of funny. Just shows more and more how he so wasn't worth my time.

More and more, I tend to run into that. It's sad really. I'd like to think that the gene pool would have produced a better quality then I seem to keep running into. The longer I am single, the more and more I keep being sadden to think of all the women out there who can and do get taken advantage of, made fools of, and just in general think that being treated like SHIT is ok.

I'm thinking I need to find out if I can teach a class in.. Smelling bullshit from 20 feet. How to avoid men who are douchebags!

Happy New Year!

So, it's been a long while since I last blogged... Not to much to say, status quo for me.

Same chit different day....
Men and the games they play....

Blah, blah, blah....

I've had it! I'm about done with all of it.. The lies, deception, the crap.

The I want a Mistress but, I can't make time for you....
I'm having a bad, hour, day, week... I can't see be around anyone right now....

Blah, blah, blah...

I think they all forget who is in control. Who makes the decision... If I say jump, I'm not asking can you.. I'm saying JUMP!

Now, I get it's a crazy time of the year for everyone but, seriously... You earn things from me....

When I give you my cell number, you can't just drop off a convo via text. Um, who is in control? That seems to be lost on submissive men I see. To many things seem to be lost on submissive men... And those things are adding up for me. Making me think twice about it all over again. I forgot why I walked away from all of this all those years ago. Funny, it's taken 1 yr for me to be reminded....

This explains a lot about me!

I found this test on a website. Kind of creepy how accurate it is!

Your result for The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test ...
8 - the AsserterThanks for taking the test !
you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").
"I must be strong" Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me
• Stand up for yourself... and me.
• Be confident, strong, and direct.
• Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
• Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
• Give me space to be alone.
• Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
• I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
• When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a EIGHT
• being independent and self-reliant
• being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
• being courageous, straightforward, and honest
• getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
• supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
• upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a EIGHT
• overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
• being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
• sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
• never forgetting injuries or injustices
• putting too much pressure on myself
• getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

EIGHTs as Children Often
• are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
• are sometimes loners
• seize control so they won't be controlled
• figure out others' weaknesses
• attack verbally or physically when provoked
• take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

EIGHTs as Parents
• are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
• are sometimes overprotective
• can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Never what I want...

I will never understand why men think it's ok to just disappear.... NEVER! Don't get me wrong, there are plenty I wish would disappear... but I'm talking about the ones who talk a game they are never prepared to play.

We all know the type, the ones who live in fantasy land and can't ever handle the reality of a woman being exactly what they say they are... the person who is accurately portrayed via email,IM,text and phone calls. Hell, even the same woman who sends you a current picture.. not one that is 20yrs old!

I wish those men, would just never waste my time.... or anyone's time! Those men, have no place in this earth but, in their mom's basement.... or hiding behind their married lives to a wife who doesn't understand them. They need to keep themselves in check.. The day is coming for them.. You know that day where they are going to meet that woman who really does them in.

Oh, I just hope I'm there to see that day!

An Open Letter

This is something that I have posted on a site I frequent.... If you are curious... let me know!

Now that I am looking at prospective men... I have realized that maybe MY profile just isn't clear enough about what I want.... I am going to use this forum... as a way to state it plainly....

When contacting ME, please send something through and complete. I do not want to have to drag answers out of you... It's beyond boring and time consuming for ME.

If you garner MY attention, be prepared to answer questions truthfully and with honest answers... I DON'T DO BULLSHIT!

I understand that you may tremble at the first touch of ME but, please I am not a monster... nothing to be scared of!

If you say you will do something... DO IT! I don't like being kept waiting or having to constantly find out what is going on...

I DO NOT CHASE ANYONE... PERIOD!!!

If I meet you, and you decide you aren't interested... SAY SO!

I am not like most Woman, Domme, Mistress, Goddess... I will give you a voice... USE IT!

I am looking for a well rounded person... If you aren't one, please don't pretend to be so..

My time is valuable... since I don't have much to waste... DON'T WASTE IT!

I DO NOT LIKE TO BE IGNORED!

Communication, COMmunication... COMMUNICATION!

Remember, that to be with ME, requires... you to be flexible... Look up the meaning if you don't know what it means!

Attention... I like... I expect it... No EXCEPTIONS!

Service... It's required...

If you have any questions about any of these... ASK ME! Really, it's OK to do that!

So, I hope I have made myself clear... Also, I love proper spelling.. Be warned, that I do answer a lot of email via my phone... Which makes it hard to do spell check. If you are doing the same... TELL ME!

Penis Stage

As you can see from the attached photo.... I will be seeing my boys.. NKTOB on this said Penis Stage for the summer 2011 tour.... Now, it is funny enough that it does totally look like a cock.. but to ME the funniest part is... It SCREAMS OF BDSM! Note, the head, tip, whatever of the said stage... It clearly shows some strategically placed needle play. Now, a friend I personally know and talk to, agree with me that one said member.. seems to SCREAM he is into BDSM! And from some of the tweets that happened the day the stage was unveiled, it was apparent that all the member's weren't aware of what it was going to look like. To me, the best part is... Most of the fans will have NO CLUE exactly what it is showing.. As my one friend and I have said... "They really aren't hiding the fact, they are fucking all of us!" LOL

I just hope that I can somehow get in early enough to get a picture of it from high up all put together...

UGH! FML

Well, there are so many things going on that the only real release I get is when I blog about it! So here goes nothing in no particular order... and probably with no rhyme or reason....

NKOTB fan club now to join to get a chance at special stuff... Not gonna happen!

Concert going on sale in like 2 weeks.... I may have a sponsor if the tickets ain't an insane price.... If not, then I hold out and buy off the secondary market...

Spent some time with someone I had been talking to for a while last week... Yep! My heart wasn't in it.

I do have someone else that I should be meeting up with this week.. He is a gem, my pet, someone I want to make things work with... Again, time will tell on this one...

State of the other stuff in my life.. Yep, its shit and well, I'll deal with it anyway I can... just how life goes for me I guess...

Now, I have so many things to be happy and so many things to be sad over... I choose to just let the chips fall where they may. I am not planning for the future anymore... its one day at a time for me from here on out!

And a big shout out to my ex... Way to go with helping out like you promised.... FUCK YOU!

Death of my fangirl crush.....

So, today it was announced that my boys... NKOTB will be touring this summer with The Backstreet Boys (BSB )... I have one word for it... UGH! Now, I do not like most of the crazy soccer mom's who are uber fans of NKOTB like me... I can't stand to have to see the same ones at all the shows I go to but, I have learned to live and deal with it. Now, I am going to be forced to have to deal with a whole new level of CRAZY! Not sure I can or want too... Not sure that I am even up to thinking about next summer already... One thing I do know is... I will plan to see one show.. probably not the preparty or after party... but just the concert.

Maybe it's because I can get my Donnie fix every friday night watching Blue Bloods... Maybe it's because I have other things to look forward to occupying my time... Maybe, I've just out grown all this fan girl crap I've been doing the last 2yrs.. Nah, who am I kidding.. I'll never out grow my crush on Donnie or the pursuit to get as close to him as I can... If ya ever had one of his hugs... or those sweet kisses... You too would be HOOKED!

The Holy Grail

So I finally went and saw Jackass 3D today... Can I say... WHOLLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! It was way better then I could have hoped or dreamed for... It was hot... Hot... HOT! I know its not every ones... cup of tea.. but for me, *sigh* every time I watch it, even on tv... I get wet and HOT! Only downside.. Here I am home.. ALONE and not anyone.. to take this all out on!! FAWK!

I was shocked and happy for all the dick shots and nastiness that there was... Bam pissing on everyone.. and the stuff in 3D.. man, it couldn't have gotten any better! Seriously, I only almost puked.. once... a new one for me! And something is soooo SEXY about how these boys, MEN abuse themselves and then laugh at themselves.. how they set each other up to be humiliated and torchered... over and over again... One of the highlights was them trying to make Bam cry... my heart, skipped a beat..

Now, I just have to fina a man who can appreciate what Jackass really has to offer and understand just how and what it means to ME!

Sooo

Today started out a great day... and somehow just kept getting better.....

Work was steady.. I actually got to shave down an entire dog today on my own... My Boss said I did a great job and joked I was ready to go on to school today! LOL I know that I'm not but, it's nice to see she gets I'm serious about this and also taking it very seriously...

I sent the man I am considering an email about the blog post I did about him... He was extremely pleased that I took time to write about him and that I am already pleased with him... It is such a change to have someone appreciate that I am giving them praise and not ignoring it. We have very open and honest dialog and it's very refreshing.... It gives me hope that even if this doesn't work out, there are QUALITY men out there.. D/s, vanilla or whatever capacity I am looking for.

I found out I may have a bonus day off next week.... Now not that is so great, as in I lose money when I don't work... but, its great to know I have that coming up and wondering what fun things I can plan to do with it.

I also decided since I can't seem to find anyone to go with me to see Jackass 3D at the midnight showing Thursday night, I just may go by myself. Hell, I know there will be a lot of men there... and who knows what could happen!

An Open Letter

Now that I am looking at prospective men... I have realized that maybe MY profile ( I have one on some sites... ask me I'll tell you where to find them) just isn't clear enough about what I want.... I am going to use this forum... as a way to state it plainly....

1.When contacting ME, please send something thorough and complete. I do not want to have to drag answers out of you... It's beyond boring and time consuming for ME.
2.If you garner MY attention, be prepared to answer questions truthfully and with honest answers... I DON'T DO BULLSHIT!
3.I understand that you may tremble at the first touch of ME but, please I am not a monster... nothing to be scared of!
4.If you say you will do something... DO IT! I don't like being kept waiting or having to constantly find out what is going on...
5.I DO NOT CHASE ANYONE... PERIOD!!!
6.If I meet you, and you decide you aren't interested... SAY SO!
7.I am not like most Woman, Domme, Mistress, Goddess... I will give you a voice... USE IT!
8.I am looking for a well rounded person... If you aren't one, please don't pretend to be so..
9.My time is valuable... since I don't have much to waste... DON'T WASTE IT!
10.I DO NOT LIKE TO BE IGNORED!
11.Communication, COMmunication... COMMUNICATION!
12.Remember, that to be with ME, requires... you to be flexible... Look up the meaning if you don't know what it means!
13.Attention... I like... I expect it... No EXCEPTIONS!
14.Service... It's required...
15.If you have any questions about any of these... ASK ME! Really, it's ok to do that!

So, I hope I have made myself clear... Also, I love proper spelling.. Be warned, that I do answer a lot of email via my phone... Which makes it hard to do spell check. If you are doing the same... TELL ME!

Donnie and the Cigar....

So, tonight on Blue Bloods, my man Donnie had a cigar in his mouth in the final scene.... and the cheesey grin of his... and that twinkle in his eyes... It was/is almost to much for me to handle!

I have a fantasy.... that I doubt I could ever get him to do for me... It involves Donnie, a Cigar, backwards hat and him enjoying the best head I have ever given...

Now, I have approached this subject with many a man vanilla or sub to fulfill this for me... as of today.. NONE HAVE! Really? Is it that hard to indulge me with one fantasy I have.. When did it become so taboo for a woman to want to give a man head while he enjoys a nice cigar and has a smile on his face... WTF am I always lingering on this damn fantasy!

True words of Wisdom....

LOVE, COURAGE, TRUTH.. don't be afraid to LOVE yourself, have the COURAGE to live your life your way, and never be afraid to speak the TRUTH.

A friend of mine posted this as their status on FB. I can't even begin to think of just how much this needs to hit home with soooo many people in this world....